What else are blogs good for if not explorations of personal psychosexual development?
I was maybe 10 or 11, being driven to my first session of after-school rugby practice by my dad. Affirmation by Savage Garden was in the CD player. The album was written by Darren Hayes after his divorce from his wife, and just before he came out as gay. It has an undercurrent of sexual freedom and emotional openness that was not lost on me as a kid.
Rugby practice was painful. I didn’t like it. I could sense the disappointment my dad felt at seeing his son be so afraid of physical contact and pain.
But it was OK, because we were getting back in the car and there was more Savage Garden playing.
I enjoy thinking about this moment a lot. The richness and warmth of being attracted to something new and exciting. The melancholy of feeling confusion at not receiving unconditional love from a parent. The desire to hide away from the world while wanting so much from it.
I’m much more a child of Savage Garden than a child of my dad – and I’m grateful for it.