I wrote this in my journal about four years ago. I wanted to put it here because it’s worth remembering these things, and being aware that my current sense of peace and fortunate privilege is all ultimately a part of the universal awareness trying to hide from the horror of itself.
It’s been a while since my LSD trip. About three months. And I feel like I’m gradually coming back to some kind of sanity and reality. But I feel like things have changed forever, like I’ve woken up to a reality that is more intense and terrifying, but also more vivid and beautiful, than I could have ever imagined.
I think the biggest change has been that I’ve realised that things are the way they are, because they’re the way they are. That sounds pretty stupid… but what I’m getting at is that the meaning of existence is inherent… things exist because they don’t not exist. It’s like why creatures evolve to suit their environments; filling a niche because that’s just what happens. I’m filling a Patrick niche, my own little bit of consciousness, because there is an infinite realm of possible consciousness that I inhabit a tiny part of.
Continue reading “Reflections on the horror of existence”
This is a tongue-in-cheek story roughly based on some choice ayahuasca trip reports.
Please do not take it too seriously.
Content notice: Racism, misogyny.
The bile pours out of his mouth into the plastic bucket
“No more!” is this boy’s mantra
But it keeps coming…
And the icaros continue…
Plaguing him with their terrifying Spanish-ness.
The headdress makes the shaman look like the devil.
Their savage superstitions are killing him!
Continue reading “Army of Absolutes”
This is a long story. It has two perspectives.
(1) I woke up one morning, took a moderate dose of LSD, had a psychotic break that lasted three days, and have continuing psychological issues as a result of the experience.
(2) We are all being constantly expelled from Divine Source, like loose clay from a spinning potter’s wheel, and enter deeper into illusion the further from Source we are flung. There was no LSD, there is no me, I am alone and lost, forever.
Continue reading “There is no LSD”
The Mandelbrot set
“is the visualisation of the space between nothing and infinity.”
= everything we know and everything we can’t know.
= the reason we ask the question.
= the mandala that is set in stone
yet flows through our fingers.
-> It is the tattoo that will burn into my skin until I have to
but it is cast
in my bones.
“Is that it? That’s it now, right? It’s over?”
My best friend stood up from the couch, directing his question to an unseen force above me.
In response, the universe stopped.
Continue reading “Salvia”